Quest For Bae- Spaceships, Mafia, And Some Chuck Norris

“I’m a beast,” Will said to the new girl at the school.

“What?” she asked.

“I’m a beast,” he said again.

“What’s your name?” she asked with annoyance.

“I’m a beast,” he said once more.

“Dude what’s your probl-”

She was cut off by Justin as he jumped into the conversation.

“I am so sorry,” he said, “This is Will, the only words in his vocab is around ‘I’m a beast,’ please don’t mind him.

“Whatever you guys are weird,” the girl said as she walked off.

“Will!” Justin snapped as he pulled Will by the back of his neck towards him, “You won’t be able to get a bae just by saying I’m a beast over and over again!”

“But I’m a beast.”

“No you’re not!”

“I’m a beast.”

“Shut up dude!”

“I’m a beast.”

“Yeah whatever, dude we need to start stepping up our game, making girls want us, not just us wanting them. You get me?”

“I’m a beast.”

“So tomorrow, after school get everyone together and we’ll talk about getting ourselves some baes.”

“I’m a beast.”

“Alright see you then.”

“I’m a beast.” is what Justin heard as he walked off.

Justin had set up his basement to welcome his friends. Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare was ready to be played on his 6 TV’s on his PS4s. Doritos and Mountain Dew were piled up on the tables.

It didn’t take long for the first to arrive. He heard his doorbell ring and heard his mother talking to whoever it was. He could make out ‘I’m a beast’ through the muffled talk. 10 seconds later Will walked downstairs.

Soon everyone had arrived. Jorge, the white mexican. Evan, the football player working the muffin chops. Leroy, the baller. Henry, the computer nerd. The last to arrive was Ian, a short dude with some nice scruff and an overall chill dude.

They got on the PS4’s and started playing Call of Duty. It didn’t take long for Justin to get in the PWN Zone.

“Oh noob get wrecked!” he screamed into his headset as he 360’d some random with his Tac-19.

As the game came to an end with Justin’s team winning. It was easy to tell the other team wasn’t too happy.

“What a bunch of noobs.”

“You guys are hackers.”

“You guys have no lives.”

“I bet you guys are gay.”

“A bunch of no girlfriend noobs.”

The last comment hit home.

“Bruh?” Evan said.

“Everyone leave the lobby,” Justin said in a low voice.

They all did. Not saying anything.

“You guys,” said Justin, “we need to step up our game.”

“I, I, I’m……. a b-beast,” blubbered Will.

“You guys!” Justin snapped. “we need girlfriends! No one believes how cool we are online. We need girlfriends to play Call of Duty. So when we’re called gay or any crap like than our Baes can tell them differently! We need to get chicks and own noobs!”

“Yeah,” Jorge yelled.

“And when the noobs have been owned and when the baes have been kissed goodnight as they head home. We will bathe in the blood of our enemies and feast on their bones!”

“Wait what?” asked Henry.

“I mean Mountain Dew and Doritos bruh.”

“Oh…… dang.”



“Alright and after we have done that,” Justin continued, “we will get jacked on Redbull and then guess what we’ll do!?!?!”

“What, bruh?” asked Ian.


“YEEEEESSSSSSS!” they all shouted.

They soon calmed down enough for Justin to finish.

“Now let’s find a bae.”


It didn’t take long for them to get their eyes on some girls.

“Bruh,” Henry said as he laid eyes on them, “we got this.”

The approached the girls as a group. There were 7 girls and 7 of them. Each one of them took a girl.

“Ey gurl,” Justin said as he approached her.

“Uhhhh whaat?” she said.

“How you doin’ shawty?” Justin said.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Just hanging gurl,” he replied.

“Why are you talking to me?”

“You know shawty, just wanna chill.”

“Oh my gosh,” she said, “ stop talking to me you don’t have a chance.”

She walked away, her friends following her. Justin waited as his friends eventually gathered around.

“Well how’d it go?” asked Ian.

“It sucked,” Justin said.

“I got a number,” Evan said.

“Same here,” said Leroy, “suck it boy.”

“Oh really?” Jorge said as he crossed his arms, ”what it it?”


Jorge crossed his arms even harder.


“Well I still have a number,” Evan said, “555-….. oh.”

“Yeah we all suck,” said Henry.

“We need professional help,” said Justin.

“Who would want to help us?” asked Ian.

“I have no idea.”


“Alright maggots!” the man yelled, “you all want women, well I’ll teach you how to get them.”

The boys were all at a school. They had found a girlfriend teacher who would help them find a Bae. They had reserved a classroom  and he had started teaching the moment he walked in.

“My name is Mr. Sir. You will address me as Mr. Sir and if you want a girlfriend then you’ll listen to me.”

Ian started chuckling as he heard more and more of Mr. Sir. But it did not take long for Mr. Sir to catch him.

“What’s your name kid?” Mr. Sir asked.

“Ian Starks, Mr. Sir,” he said with a giggle.

“Ian,” Mr. Sir said, “I have never hit a kid before. But I swear I’ll start with you.”

“Uhhh what?” Ian asked confused, “I’m 18 dude.”

“Sit down and shut up!” Mr. Sir yelled.

Ian threw himself to the ground. Afraid of Mr. Sir.

It was in that moment that a gunshot rang out and the windows to the room shattered. Justin dived to the floor and pulled out his sawed-off double barreled shotgun. He saw Mr. Sir hit the ground with a bullet hole in his chest. Although so much was, it was all done without any sound but the first gunshot.

Justin looked around to see his friends pulling out their weapons. He saw Jorge pull out an old 1870 Spanish Mauser with a shank at the end as a bayonet. Will pulled out his fully automatic shotgun the AA-12. Evan had pulled out a mini gatling gun. Ian had pulled out his long, powerful Barrett 50. cal. while Leroy pulled out his grenade launcher. Then Henry pulled out a Ray Gun.

“Bro,” Justin said to Henry, “where’d you get a ray gun!?”

“I made it!” Henry said excitingly.

“That’s like some Nazi Zombies stuff right there!”

“I know.”

“Bruuuuuh,” Evan said as he saw the Ray Gun.

Just then the room exploded as multiple bullets came through the window. All of the crew took up positions under the window sills. Justin, Will, and Evan gave covering fire as the others filed out of the room. Still not knowing who they were shooting at, Justin, Will, and Evan ran out of the room.

They met in the hallway just outside of the hallway.

“Alright guys,” Henry said, “I’ve dealt with these guys before, shoot to kill. They wear body armour so unless you have a heavy weapon aim for heads and legs.”

“Who are they?” Justin asked.

“It’s the Mexican Mafia bruh, you don’t wanna mess with them.”

“Woah bruh,” Jorge said, “I don’t even know there was a Mexican Mafia.”

“That’s what they want,” Henry replied.

“Wait a Mexican Mafia is basically a cartel, right?” Leroy asked.

“No,” Henry said back, “ a cartel is a cartel but this is a mafia.”

“What’s the difference?” Ian asked.

“Everything,” Henry said showing annoyance.

“Like what?” Ian asked.

“Everything!” Henry yelled.

Just then the building shook.

“They’re going to collapse the school,” Henry yelled as he started running to the staircase.

Everyone followed. They reached the staircase and headed down. As they exited the building they were met by a hail of gunfire. Jorge and Ian took cover behind the school doors and started shooting with their Barrett 50 cal. and 1870 Spanish Mauser. Evan moved forward, shooting his gatling gun and yelling at the top of his voice. All the while Justin, Will, Leroy, and Henry were owning noobs with their cool guns.

More Mexican Mafia soldiers were coming. Soon they all had to take cover at the schools monument that stayed in the middle of the school courtyard.

“Bruh what are we gonna do?” Henry yelled to Justin as the bullets flew over their head.

“I Know what to do,” Leroy said with a look of determination.

Justin looked over the top of the monument. He saw at least 400 soldiers. He looked back at the school doors to see Ian and Jorge taking cover by the school doors.

“You better do something quickly then,” Justin said to Leroy.

Leroy put down his gun, put two fingers in his mouth, and whistled the tune that was in that good movie The Hunger Games.

As his whistling came to an end nothing happened.

“Give it a minute,” Leroy said.

“We don’t have a minute!” Justin yelled, “I’m calling reinforcements!”

Justin pulled out his phone, and dialed KFC.

As soon as he heard the phone being picked up he yelled into it.

“KFC I want 400 lbs of friend chicken dropped off at the school that has a bunch of Mexican Mafia members near it.”

As soon as he finished he snapped his phone shut and waited.

30 seconds later a truck came speeding past. One man in the back throwing off buckets of chicken. As this happened a loud thundering sound started up.

“They are close,” said Leroy with a smile.

“So are they,” said Justin as he heard the screeching of cars coming closer.

Just as Justin finished a group of about two hundred lions came running out of an alleyway near the school. As this was happening another group of about two hundred men came racing out of the opposite road on cars. All of the men were dressed as Kendrick Lamar.

As the men and the lions saw the Mexican Mafia soldiers they attacked. In less than a minute all of the Mafia soldiers were dead.

One of the men yelled over to Justin. Giving him a thumbs up as all the men gathered the fried chicken and left.

The lions soon departed.

“Bruh,” Justin said to Leroy, “how’d you get the lions?”

“I spent a year in the African wilderness,” Leroy replied as a tear came out of his eye, “they took me in and made me family, now they will do anything to protect me.”


As things came to an end they all met up.

“Henry?” Justin asked.


“Why was the Mexican Mafia here?”

“Oh I gave the boss’s daughter a wet willy.”

“Wow dude.”

Just then the sky darkened. The looked up to see a huge alien spaceship emerging from the clouds.

At that moment Will pulled out a huge weapon.

“I’m a beast,” he said as he pulled the trigger.

Chuck Norris launched from the weapon. In a superman pose he flew into the spaceship and the whole thing exploded.

“I’m a beast.”